Saturday, 29 December 2012

Tyrannosaur – Ripples in the Water

Tyrannosaur is not a happy film.

In fact, it’s fucking devastating.

It’s full of horrible things happening to beautiful people.

Its emotional onslaught leaves you battered and bruised . . . curled up crying in the corner.

Yet with that comes an undeniable power.


The extraordinary performances remove any sense of fiction. We are no longer sitting in front of screen; we are watching these people live their lives. We are dragged down through all the shit they are, but we also catch those glimpses of the light.

Paddy Considine handles the direction with a lightness of touch, and avoids the traps that could leave the film bogged down by its subject matter. The camera goes no way to manipulate; instead it portrays these characters with an almost documentary-style frankness.

Like life, Tyrannosaur has no over-arching storyline. There’s you, there’s me and there’s every other miserable sod on this planet.

So often in stories, amazing circumstances cause great things to happen to your supposed average Joe. But in Tyrannosaur, Joe is far from average and the only thing that happens to him is life.

★★★★★

Monday, 3 December 2012

DUMPSTER DIVING #5: Delta Force 2 Review – F**k You, Chuck

The phenomenon of Chuck Norris jokes has always fascinated me.

Kids pick up these jokes from older kids on their bus, and there you go, they're set for life. They have a simple piece of comedic maths; you think of something impossible, say Chuck Norris can, or has, done it and you've got a joke. Here are some examples:

Chuck Norris counted to infinity . . . . . twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Or even,

Chuck Norris grew up in the 21st century without ever hearing a Chuck Norris joke.


But what do these kids actually know about the man?

Most could probably tell you he has a beard. Some could even go as far as telling you he has a ginger/auburn beard.

So he is just a guy with a beard? Is there no other reason he has become the butt of thousands of jokes?

Well, he was in a load of action movies . . . or some shit like that.

That was me up until a few months ago. You could count the things I knew about Chuck on the hand of a man who’s had one of his fingers kicked off in an episode of ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’.



But, as I say, that was up until a few nights ago. For now I can go back to school boasting that I've actually seen a Chuck Norris movie . . . and, for that, I'll be worshipped like a God.

The movie in question is a certain Delta Force 2, subtitled 'The Columbian Connection', and it's rubbish. So, please don’t waste your time watching it.


Talking about not wasting ones time on atrocious cinema, I'm going to keep this brief.
  • The action is downright boring.
  • Chuck is not much better (he seems to deliver every line in exactly the same way).
  • I find it amazing that an action movie with so many explosions and gunshots can be so dull.
  • And whatever you do, please hide your kids from the slimy bastard of villain.
But the biggest disappointment of all is Norris himself. Whatever childish fantasy I had dreamed up about what a Chuck Norris movie would be, it wasn't this. Far from it.